please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
