STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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