Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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