My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
