We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
