I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
