There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
