Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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