Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
