is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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