Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My feet surprised me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
