guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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