He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
should my penis look like a turkey
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
