Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
the liver wants what the liver wants
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
