Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
