I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize