I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
