i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
