I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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