Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
