I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
