Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
