I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize