literally had 100 drinks last night.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
