my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize