So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
