I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
