so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
whose parrot is this?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need to calm my uterus...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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