woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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