he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
