I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
