I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
