i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry about my life...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize