I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
