I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
