just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
