The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize