Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
