Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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