He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize