it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
