Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
