I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
