Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize