I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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