Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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