and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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