My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
accomplished twins. life is a go
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
