Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
