I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
