I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I understand Curling. That high.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
