Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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