I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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