a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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