My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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