Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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