Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
