Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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