today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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