there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the liver wants what the liver wants
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize