I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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