you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
