How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
