I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
