The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
