i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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