Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
